When things get heated, we say or do things that we would never do if we were thinking clearly. This results in hurt feelings and may escalate to violence if the anger is left to simmer for long enough. To prevent the worst happening, follow these five steps towards solving an argument.

To solve an argument/disagreement:

1. Walk away
If the tense atmosphere suggests one of you might resort to violence, walk away. Tell the other person that you are leaving to cool down otherwise they might assume that you are just ignoring them. When you have both cooled down, follow the points outlined below.

2. Take turns speaking
I know that during arguments the other party says things that you completely disagree with, but be RESPECTFUL when they are speaking. Would you want someone to interrupt you before you’d put your point across? No, and neither would I.

As a reminder that it is not your turn to speak, take a pen and give it to the current speaker. You can only speak when the pen is in your hand. If you disagree with any points that the other party makes, write these points in note form. Tell the other party you will be keeping these notes, and make sure that you’re still listening as you keep notes of your counter arguments.

3. Compromise
Sometimes you just cannot come to an agreement. You’ve tried for hours, days or even weeks, but you just cannot come to a joint conclusion. If this is the case, remember to compromise! Put your pride aside and give a little, and get a little. Choose the points that you definitely cannot give in to and give up the ones that don’t mean that much to you. At the end of the day, ending the disagreement feels better than getting your way at the expense of someone else’s happiness.

4. Everyone is involved
There are always people who fade into the background during an argument, but you need to coax them out of their hiding place. Don’t dump the spotlight on them, but just ask them from time to time if there is anything they would like to contribute. If they seem too uncomfortable, it might be best just to leave them alone…or try step five instead.

5. Anonymous
When people cannot be identified, they lose their inhibitions and say what they really feel. Everyone should write down/type their thoughts on paper and slip them into a container. Shuffle the papers around then a designated leader should read aloud the written thoughts. As a group, address each thought without confronting the writer.

Not only will these steps prevent the argument escalating, but they will also prevent another disagreement over the same issue. This is done by letting everyone be heard equally without interruption- in a respectful manner, tell the other party what you have been holding back, and let them do the same.

Deal with the problem NOW, not later. If you brush it under the carpet again, or hold back on how you really feel, it will come back to haunt you further down the line.