5 Steps to dealing with death

5 Steps to dealing with death

A pink tulip which has toppled over
In Loving Memory...

When the worst happens…

1. Mourn
It’s okay to cry. Don’t let anyone tell you, “It’s time to move on.” Move on when you feel ready to do so. Losing someone is tough on the hardest of hearts, so don’t feel ashamed or embarrassed to express your pain as you see fit.

2. Ask for help
Mourning is healthy, but mourning alone when you really need support is not. If you want a shoulder to cry on, turn to someone and cry. People are more than understanding, and if you turn to someone who isn’t willing to help there will always be someone who is. If you feel your relatives and friends just do not understand what you’re going through, join a support group for others in your position. I’m sure a quick look online e.g. search engines, social websites like Facebook, etc, or offline in your local community or place of worship, will provide many sources of support. No matter what you choose, do not suffer in silence because that can be detrimental to your progression beyond the mourning period.

3. Good times, not regrets
It is horrible when the last thing you said to him was mean. Or maybe you blew him off to do something different, not knowing it was the last time you’d ever be together. It could be he said he loved you, but you didn’t say it back and now you’ll never get a second chance. Dwelling on last moments together will get you nowhere. Unless it was a terminal illness, there was no way for you to prepare yourself. Focus on every part of him you loved, even the quirks that made him ‘the one’. You could start a book of memories. Inside you could stick photographs of him- however serious or silly- write messages to him from you and other loved ones, write funny and happy memories that make you smile, and anything else that’s positive.

4. Life goes on
Yesterday’s pain was not as bad as today’s, and tomorrow your heart will ache less. Week by week, month by month, and year by year the pain will lessen until you can think of your lost one and smile instead of breaking down. Days spent in a daze, subconsciously waiting for him to come home, not knowing what to do with his possessions will pass. Soon you will wake up and feel positive about the future. Yes, the future is not as you planned, but the future is still there.

5. Deepest sympathies

I am very sorry for your loss.

Image: Simon Howden / FreeDigitalPhotos.net